By the counsellor Salman Tabasi<\/p>\n
Tantrums occur in many children between the ages of two and four. In some cases they have a medical background. We see that if a child's wish is not met, he screams loudly, cries, throws himself on the floor and sometimes bangs his head in anger. What do we do in this case, especially if this problem happens in front of people or in a public place? The child asks for sweets or ice cream at a supermarket, or a toy in a public market, and when the parents refuse he begins to scream. To avoid embarrassment, we see the parents meeting his demand just to quieten him and to keep people's looks away. How do we control these tantrums? Behavioural research and studies on children indicate that meeting the child's wish when he screams, and giving him what he wants, is the main reason this behaviour continues. The child does it once and it becomes a habit for him, since he learns that the easiest way to get what he wants is to scream and get angry. What do we do? 1. Be calm and do not get angry, and if you are in a public place do not be embarrassed, and remember that all these people have children and that such things may happen to them. 2. Focus on the message you are trying to convey to your child, which is that your screaming does not arouse any interest or anger in me and you will not get what you asked for. 3. Remember: do not get angry and do not enter into a discussion with your child about his screaming whatever it may be, even if he starts asking you questions. 4. Ignore the screaming completely, and try to show him that you are occupied with something else and that you cannot hear him. If you scream in his face you have thereby given attention to that behaviour of his, and if you give him what he wants he learns that all he has to do is repeat the earlier behaviour. 5. If the child stops screaming and calms down, seize the opportunity and give him your attention, and show him that you are very happy that he is not screaming. Explain to him how he should behave in order to get what he wants, for example by eating his meal first and then having the sweets, or that the reason you did not meet his request is that what he is asking for is dangerous and not suitable for children. 6. If you are weak in the face of a tantrum in front of people, avoid taking him to the supermarket, the market or the restaurant until the training period is over and he becomes calmer. 7. It is useful, when you sense that the child is about to have a tantrum, before he starts crying, to try to draw his attention to something interesting along the way: a red light, a funny picture, or a favourite toy. And finally remember this important point: just once is always enough for the child to learn that if he screams and cries and is given what he wants, he will repeat that behaviour again.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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