They abused me, but I got free of them

Gaza, Publication and Information Unit. By May Ammar

When time bears down on humanity, when hopes are shattered and life is shrouded in black, we hear those sad stories of people who have suffered a great deal.

We hear of "Ghalia", a shy, obedient young woman of no more than eighteen, who lived with a family whose constant trait was greed. Ghalia grew up, studied and earned a diploma in food processing at one of the colleges in Gaza City, with high marks in her field, until she was rewarded with a work contract for a fixed period and began to go out, mix with society and move about. Then came that repellent suitor: short, limited in thought and mind, with a heart condition, heavy of tongue and with a serious sexual dysfunction. But the quality her family had always looked for, money, he and his family had.

Without any discussion with Ghalia, and without asking about the young man and his circumstances, her family answered at once and agreed to the engagement, despite Ghalia's rejection of him and her insistence on getting her thoughts and her view across to them. There was no response from her family; they insisted the engagement go ahead. During that period his abnormal state began to show itself little by little before Ghalia, and fear began to shroud her life with him, until the marriage took place. After her wedding night Ghalia realised that she would not be like any other wife in this life, but would suffer a great deal.

Ghalia's ordeal began. Her husband would beat her severely for no reason at all, and then came the turn of an oppressive father-in-law, who barred her from her work outside the home, from going out, from social visits and even from visiting her own family, the simplest of her rights. Ghalia was forbidden to watch television and to do many ordinary things and activities, even inside her own home. She became a prisoner, unable to live an ordinary human life because of the rules and obstacles of that strange family, and unable to contact anyone.

Fear came to dominate Ghalia's character. She felt no ease or safety even in her own bedroom, where she was beaten and humiliated like a weak animal in a valley of wolves, and where she saw her husband at his ugliest, behaving in abnormal, savage and thoughtless ways. Things went on like this for a long time, until that wretched day when Ghalia telephoned her family. She had lived far from them for a long time, speaking to them by telephone only occasionally and only when permitted, and knowing she was watched by her husband's family she could not pour out what was inside her. On that day she began to sob and cry out, complaining to her mother of her own state and of her husband and his family. As ill luck would have it, the father-in-law heard everything, and when she finished speaking to her family he abused her verbally and physically, beating her and threatening her that if she ever again exposed her husband and the family he would do this and that.

Ghalia went to visit her family on one of the feast days, after her mother had telephoned the father-in-law to plead that her daughter come with her sisters-in-law to their family home. When Ghalia came she did nothing but keep silent, over and over, reassuring them that she was well and happy, for fear that the hateful father-in-law would learn that she had exposed them. She returned to her house without telling anyone what was happening in her life. But Ghalia had changed: her character had become harsher and colder with her family, and her mother noticed her daughter's strange state, which had not been there before the marriage.

One day Ghalia's mother went to visit her daughter at her house, and the shock was that when she entered she found Ghalia unconscious on the floor of her room, after her strange husband had beaten her and left her there, not even knowing she had lost consciousness. The mother and the husband were taken aback by Ghalia's state and tried to bring her round, and when she came to, her mother took her at once to her own home. A new phase in Ghalia's life began: divorcing her from that mad man and his family.

Because Ghalia's state of mind was by then completely shattered, her mother brought her to the Palestinian Center for Democracy and Conflict Resolution in search of a solution and psychological treatment. There the counsellor Samar at the Centre helped her to acquire ways of expressing herself and what was going on inside her, but she was always glancing right and left, always looking for protection to hold her, falling silent and unable to speak of anything.

Through sessions of emotional release and psychological, social and religious counselling, and through the counsellor's encouragement to draw closer to God and to try to correct the mistaken ideas that had dominated her life during her marriage, Ghalia's condition began to improve. She began to speak and to open up to the counsellor and to respond to the advice she was given. She returned to living her normal life and joined training courses, and then her divorce came through and she was free of that oppressive family. She obtained a work contract once more, from UNRWA, and lived safely under her family's care as she had before, becoming a respected figure in her family and her community.

Note: Ghalia is a pseudonym.